GuineaDad Animal News - 10/20/23
“Fat Bears, Netflix’s Baby Animal Cam, and Si The Intern Gets Fired”
Giraffe Poop Necklaces, Alaska’s Fattest Bear Contest, Si the Intern Gets Fired, A Dog Influencer’s Meteoric Rise, and Netflix’s New Baby Animal Cam
A Woman Was Stopped Trying to Smuggle Giraffe Poop?
A customs agent at Minnesota’s Minneapolis - St Paul International Airport recently seized a box of giraffe poo from an Iowa woman attempting to bring the poo into the U.S. from her recent trip to Kenya, to make jewelry with it.
Fortunately for everyone involved, the woman declared the feces at customs. Had she attempted to smuggle the giraffe poo in covertly and been caught, she likely would have faced harsh sanctions, and had she not been caught, she could have infected countless people with a number of serious bacterial ailments related to wearing exotic animal poo against bare skin.
When discussing her jewelry plans with customs agents, the woman apparently mentioned having made jewelry in the past from moose poo.
Mysteriously, TSA officials, and everyone else who has heard about this story since, had the exact same verbatim response: “Ew! What? Why would you do this?”
Inspirational Dog Influencer
Fenix, a husky born with cerebellar hypoplasia has overcome the odds, taking what some would have viewed as a hopeless prognosis, and becoming a successful social media influencer and life coach.
With over 2 million followers on TikTok, Fenix inspires others with his upbeat attitude and his whimsical strut. When asked, Fenix has said that “The joy that comes from helping other animals or humans who may be struggling, far outweighs the joy that comes from not having a funny walk.”
The veracity of whether Fenix actually said that quote is currently under investigation, but regardless, this feel-good story puts a smile on our faces.
At GuineaDad Animal News, our mission is to entertain, make people (and pets) smile, and occasionally very gently inform. We’d like to officially salute Fenix, this inspirational dog, for providing us all with the sweeter side of the news that we all need sometimes.
If you’re in the mood for a smile, we encourage you to go watch Fenix prance his little heart out.
Alaska’s annual “Fattest Bear” contest has crowned this year’s big winner
Many voiced concerns that the looming U.S. government shutdown could have negatively impacted this ridiculous annual competition, but as it turns out, enormous bears are not concerned with the laws of man.
Grazer the Grizzly Bear won this year’s top prize by more than 85,000 votes, and looking at the pictures, it’s quite clear why.
GuineaDad Animal News attempted to speak with Grazer after her decisive victory, but the interview was unfortunately just a series of growls and screams from our reporters and Grazer tried to eat them.
Luckily for the reporters, Grazer was very full and quickly gave up the chase to take a nap and preserve her calories for next year’s competition.
In lieu of a more in-depth interview with Grazer, we settled for an interview with a philosophical salmon from a river located within Grazer’s territory.
Richard, a Wild Alaskan Salmon, had this to say: “Population-wise, it’s been a pretty devastating year for the community. It has forced many of us to become more spiritual, though. We’ve learned to view death differently. Before Grazer moved to the area, the idea that life could end at any moment, impaled in the maw of a bear - it was only a passing concern. Now it’s really more of an inevitability. Many of us have found solace in the closure of knowing.”
Netflix’s “Baby Animal Cam”
The new Netflix show you’re going to want to watch forever has officially arrived.
Netflix is banking hard on the internet’s lust for cute animal videos. The streaming giant has now made a channel that brings cam footage of cute baby animals in the wild - right into your living room.
This kind of gimmick is something that serious journalists like us here at GuineaDad don’t concern ourselves with. JUST KIDDING! But we are pretty mad that Netflix didn’t invite Sesame & Churro to be on the show.
Si The Intern Gets Fired
And finally, a GuineaDad Animal News exclusive, Famous Guinea Pig News Anchors Churro & Sesame have recently done a little house-cleaning and fired their intern Si Lee, for not taking his unpaid internship seriously enough.
The guinea pigs told Si they were very grumpy with him, though they do all still live together, and rely on Si for food and cuddles. Some of us here at GuineaDad Animal News expect things to be a little awkward for the next week or so, and then expect Si The Intern to be given another chance.
That’s it for this week’s Animal News!
See you next time, GuineaGang!