A Reluctant Oscar Mayer is Coerced Into Reinserting Wienermobile
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"Oscar Mayer Has Officially Given Up Their War On Wieners!"
Early this summer, Oscar Mayer, a restaurant chain famed for the peddling of cylindrical meats, attempted to abandon their beloved and long-esteemed mascot, "The Wienermobile."
As a fully-operational company car designed to resemble a hotdog and bun, The Wienermobile has garnered wide-spread brand recognition for these otherwise lackluster and flaccid meat sandwiches.
Oscar Mayer has refused to comment on the reasoning behind the attempt to rebrand the beloved spokeswagon, re-dubbing it with the largely inconsequential moniker "The Frankmobile."
Some speculators believe the decision was in response to connections drawn between the word "wiener" and the colloquially used term, "whiner", referring to a person who complains too much.
Some scholars of Freudian analysis have posited that this issue of linguistic conflation could go even deeper.
Regardless of Oscar Mayer's goal in changing the popular hot dog car's name, the public has made their opinions known, forcing the company to grudgingly end their embargo on this beloved cultural icon.
Oscar Mayer announced this week that they've officially re-embraced the "The Wienermobile", and un-sheathed it for service.
Jeff Scotes, a visibly agitated hot dog consumer attending the company's announcement, lingered afterward, demanding that "(Oscar Mayer) stop messing with my wiener car!" to which one board member responded, "Okay."
As fans of this mascot, we can only hope that in the wake of this desperate and failed attempt to redirect public discourse, Oscar Mayer has fully opened their hearts and welcomed The Wienermobile back into the station for good.
GuineaDad News is proud to be the first animal-driven news network to penetrate this gripping story, exposing the truth behind this attempted wiener cover-up.
From Sesame, Churro, and everyone here at GuineaDad Animal News, we'll see you next time, GuineaGang!