Good day to you, silly guinea pig owners! I certainly hope that’s you, because if it’s not, you’re about to be very confused.
Today’s topic, both grandiose and trivial, delightfully low-stakes globally, yet hugely consequential within your personal life and social circles:
SILLY THINGS TO NAME YOUR GUINEA PIG!
Guinea pigs are arguably one of the silly pets to own. They’re food obsessed, a little ditsy, have funny hair, and still garner our undying love.
With the loftiness of today’s blog, I’d like to state now, that this list is going to be ever growing and evolving. Please add your own names to the comments, and they’ll be added to the body of the blog periodically.
In the meantime, here are a few names to get you started:
Guinea Pig Celebrity Names:
- Brad Pigg
- Guineffer Aniston
- Chubby Cheeker
- Wheeks Bentley
- Leonardo DiCapigrio
- Tom Whiskers
- Julia Rodent
- Johnny Deppig
- Charlize TherodentMorgan Freepig
- Kristen Bell Pepper
- Gwen Stefurry
- Guinea Davis Jr.
- Cavy Crawford
- Matthew McCona-haystack
- Piggy Azalea
- Cavy Styles
- Mark Floofalo
- Cavy Fisher
And always favorite among silly name enthusiasts…
- Benedict Cavybatch/Cavydict CabbageRats/BeneWheeks Cucumberpatch
That last one sort of went off the rails a bit, didn’t it? It starts to elicit that age-old question: “If you replace every part of a ship… is it still the same actor?”
Today’s celebrity honorable mentions go to: Will Ferret and Scarlett Johampster.
Always ripe with comedic effect, let's look at some animal names that present a contrast with our cute little cavvies (or just make no sense at all):
Mismatched Animal Names
Manfred (after the wooly mammoth from "Ice Age")
Jupiter the Gas Giant (after the planet)
Brontosaurus (“Bronty” for short)
Food items they resemble
Brownie Found Under a Couch
One of the endlessly delightful variations of this is, of course:
Body Parts Combined with Foodstuffs:
(I’d like to give a special thanks to Guinea Parents Betty, Linda, & Glen, and their guinea pig “Feetloaf”, for inspiring this lofty category.)
And of course, Buttsandwich
For those piggies who need a bit of encouragement, try…
Names With Titles to Boost Their Self-Esteem
- Maxwell, King of the Andes
- Conan the Barbarian
- Alexander the small but still Great
- Buffy the Veggie Slayer
Celebrities with Gravitas
Benicio Del Toro
Disgraced Celebrities Casualties of the MeToo Era
Just kidding! These guys don’t get fun guinea pig names. Times Up, chumps!
Famous People with Funny Hair Styles
Robert Smith (The Cure)
Flock of Seaguls
Public Figures Famous for Their Intellect
Neil DeGrasse Tyson
Simone De Beuvoir
Keep an eye out for this list to grow! And we’ll see you next time, GuineaGang!